I wrote a song

I was sure I still had my voice

but I guess I left it with you.

I used to be so happy,

so happy with you.

But now you're gone, and so am I

I don't want to live, but I don't want to die.

But I guess it doesn't matter,

it doesn't mean a thing.

Not the pictures, not the laughs,

no, not even the ring.

I wish I knew where things went sour,

'cause the days are years,

and the minutes are hours.

Well, now it's hard to function, and harder to smile

With every step I take, it feels like a mile.

So where do I go now? Go left, or go right?

I'm not sure, but I know you're in my dreams at night.

But I guess it doesn't matter,

it doesn't mean a thing

Not the pictures, not the laughs

no, not even the ring.

I wish I knew where things went sour,

'cause the days are years,

and the minutes are hours.

Well you say that it's over, that there's no coming back

But I know that if we tried, we could just back track

We don't need this pain, 'cause I know you're feeling it, too.

But you know that, in the end, it's all up to you.

Just open your eyes

But I guess it doesn't matter,

it doesn't mean a thing

Not the pictures, not the laughs

not even my ring.

I just wish I knew where things went sour,

'cause the days are years,

and the minutes are hours.

'cause the days are years,

and the minutes are hours

But I guess I don't matter...

I really want my nose pierced.

Like, really, really really badly. I have fake ones, just little body jewels and I use some eyelash glue, but it's not the same. My dad tells me that it makes him think of Muslims, which we are not. But here's the thing, Muslims aren't the ones who pierce their noses! He doesn't really have a viable reason why I can't get it pierced.

I mean, I look okay with it in (more like on), right?

I don't know, maybe it's just my teenage rebellion and angst coming out, but, honestly, I haven't wanted anything as much as I want my nose pierced right now. When I have my "nose ring" on, I feel pretty. I look down, and I always see a little glimmer of silvery, sparkley, shiney light. I guess, it reminds me of what I'm worth to God. I mean, yes, the bible verse says "Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies.", but I don't have any ruby nose jewels. But still, a diamond is a precious jewel, and the verse says that my price is worth far more than rubies. And diamonds. And sapphires. And emeralds. And any jewel or gem. But the problem is, I forget that sometimes. I forget that my value doesn't increase only because I lose 5 extra pounds, and my value doesn't plummet when I have an extra brownie. My value doesn't decrease in God's eyes, it can only grow. But what I do to my appearance isn't what adds to my price. It's what I do to my spiritual life that matters. I need to start reading my bible more, not obsessing over my hair, especially on the days that I don't even go out! I need to fix my relationship with God.

Now! You're probably wondering, "how does her need fix her relationship with God relate to her wanting a nose ring?". Because getting my nose pierced will be a constant reminder of my worth in God's eyes. It will remind me of who's opinion is the one that really counts. I just wish that my dad would understand that.

My 2011 Goals

Every year I make these goals, and I only accomplish about three of them. But whether I finish all of my goals or not, I still like coming up with them.

• Wake up earlier
• Work out in the mornings
• Read my Bible in the morning, not at night
• (Maybe) Find a job
• Read more
• Keep my room clean
• Drink more water
• Take more pictures
• Learn to talk more 

Okay, I know that last one sounds pretty ridiculous, but I really do need to work on that. I've become so quiet, and it's killing me. I need to talk more, put myself out on the line more. I need to be me, and not be too afraid of sounding stupid.

Yeah. And those are my goals for 2011. :)

I just wanna write.

All night, that's all I want to do. But the problem is, I don't know what the heck to write about. I almost feel like writing a short story, or a poem, or maybe even a song. I love writing, I really do, but I don't know what to write. I want to write songs, but I just don't have inspiration. I feel like I can just write a verse of a song and maybe a chorus, but I can never finish it. The only song I ever finished was one I wrote for my parents right before I left for almost three months. I just... I wish I could be creative.

Music

I'm thinking about maybe recording a couple videos of me singing onto YouTube soon. I don't know. It seems like no matter how well I practice, I always screw up as soon as the video starts recording. And sometimes it seems like the guitar is too loud, and when I try to play the guitar a little quieter, it seems like I'm screaming. Maybe if my webcam actually worked, it would be better, but, again, I don't know. :/

Day 25

QIt's Christmas!! A photo of your favorite gift

AHmm... I got this really awesome jacket, some super cute boots, a bunch of shirts, and five awesome rings. Those are my favorites! :)

Day 24

QHow excited are you? Christmas is tomorrow!!!

AActually, I'm not that excited. It doesn't really feel like Christmas this year.

Day 23

QAre there gifts under your tree yet?

ANot for the actual Christmas day, but for Christmas Eve's Eve! :)

Day 22

QA photo of you in the holiday spirit

AUmm... raincheck?

Day 21

QHave you been drinking a lot of coffee or hot chocolate?

ANah, I haven't even had any. Haha :)