January 17, 2011

I wrote a song

I was sure I still had my voice
but I guess I left it with you.
I used to be so happy,
so happy with you.
But now you're gone, and so am I
I don't want to live, but I don't want to die.

But I guess it doesn't matter,
it doesn't mean a thing.
Not the pictures, not the laughs,
no, not even the ring.
I wish I knew where things went sour,
'cause the days are years,
and the minutes are hours.

Well, now it's hard to function, and harder to smile
With every step I take, it feels like a mile.
So where do I go now? Go left, or go right?
I'm not sure, but I know you're in my dreams at night.

But I guess it doesn't matter,
it doesn't mean a thing
Not the pictures, not the laughs
no, not even the ring.
I wish I knew where things went sour,
'cause the days are years,
and the minutes are hours.

Well you say that it's over, that there's no coming back
But I know that if we tried, we could just back track
We don't need this pain, 'cause I know you're feeling it, too.
But you know that, in the end, it's all up to you.
Just open your eyes

But I guess it doesn't matter,
it doesn't mean a thing
Not the pictures, not the laughs
not even my ring.
I just wish I knew where things went sour,
'cause the days are years,
and the minutes are hours.

'cause the days are years,
and the minutes are hours

But I guess I don't matter...

January 3, 2011

I really want my nose pierced.

Like, really, really really badly. I have fake ones, just little body jewels and I use some eyelash glue, but it's not the same. My dad tells me that it makes him think of Muslims, which we are not. But here's the thing, Muslims aren't the ones who pierce their noses! He doesn't really have a viable reason why I can't get it pierced.
I mean, I look okay with it in (more like on), right?

I don't know, maybe it's just my teenage rebellion and angst coming out, but, honestly, I haven't wanted anything as much as I want my nose pierced right now. When I have my "nose ring" on, I feel pretty. I look down, and I always see a little glimmer of silvery, sparkley, shiney light. I guess, it reminds me of what I'm worth to God. I mean, yes, the bible verse says "Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies.", but I don't have any ruby nose jewels. But still, a diamond is a precious jewel, and the verse says that my price is worth far more than rubies. And diamonds. And sapphires. And emeralds. And any jewel or gem. But the problem is, I forget that sometimes. I forget that my value doesn't increase only because I lose 5 extra pounds, and my value doesn't plummet when I have an extra brownie. My value doesn't decrease in God's eyes, it can only grow. But what I do to my appearance isn't what adds to my price. It's what I do to my spiritual life that matters. I need to start reading my bible more, not obsessing over my hair, especially on the days that I don't even go out! I need to fix my relationship with God.
Now! You're probably wondering, "how does her need fix her relationship with God relate to her wanting a nose ring?". Because getting my nose pierced will be a constant reminder of my worth in God's eyes. It will remind me of who's opinion is the one that really counts. I just wish that my dad would understand that.